I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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