i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
