i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
