its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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