i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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