I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
vagina is talking i cant
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
