He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
