My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
