I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
