Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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