im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
