In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
