I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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