God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
