Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
