i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
