And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
