If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
