Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
