I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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