In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
