The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
