Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
