I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm like, not good at living.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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