And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
