Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you will always have a special place in my vag
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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