..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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