Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
