PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
