Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
