haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
