she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
