Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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