Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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