my phone needs a breathalizer
My balls are so social today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
