An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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