I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
