Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
