i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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