I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
