I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Four minutes until I can fart!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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