Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
