I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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