Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
