Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
