found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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