I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
