i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
