I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
