haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
