Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
