I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
