my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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